Updated January, 2026
Mom in the Mirror
A true story about the one thing parents can change
When parents reach out for help, they’re often exhausted and frustrated.
Their child is sassy.
Talks back.
Always has to have the last word.
And while the details vary - - from toddlers to teens - - the feeling is the same:
“I’ve tried everything. Nothing is working.”
I have strategies for those situations. Of course I do.
But I don’t start there.
I start with a story.
A Lesson I Didn’t Expect
About fourteen years ago, I was a fourth-grade teacher at the school of my dreams.
It was the beginning of the school year and I was overwhelmed.
My students were loud. Disruptive. Hard to settle. One afternoon, I found myself venting to a seasoned teacher whose classroom was across the hall. She could hear me raising my voice, trying to regain control.
I complained. She listened quietly.
When I finally finished, she asked a question I didn’t expect:
“So… how are you doing?”
I was caught off guard.
I expected agreement. Validation. Maybe a little commiseration.
Instead, she gently pointed me toward the only thing in the situation I actually had control over.
Me.
I mumbled something about needing to get back to my classroom and left.
But that night, her question stayed with me.
The Shift
I spent that evening reflecting honestly.
Not on what the students were doing wrong.
But on who I wanted to be in that classroom.
The next morning, I came in early with a handwritten, poster-sized apology.
I hung it at the front of the room. Then I stood in the doorway and greeted every student as they arrived; by name and with a smile.
When the bell rang, I sat at the front of the room and told them I had something important to say.
I acknowledged that I hadn’t been the teacher I wanted to be.
I read my apology aloud.
And I told them that starting that day, we were going to have the best year ever.
They cheered.
And you know what?
We did.
“Mom (and Dad) in the Mirror”
That experience shaped how I work with parents today.
When families feel stuck, the most powerful shift often comes from asking:
Who do I want to be in this relationship?
Not perfectly calm.
Not endlessly patient.
But clear. Steady. Intentional.
That’s why one of the first things I help parents do is clarify their Family Mission Statement; a simple way to anchor parenting decisions in shared values instead of reactions.
It’s part of what I call “Mom and Dad in the Mirror.”
Not because parents are the problem but because leadership always starts with the leader.
Why This Matters
Children don’t change because we lecture better.
They change because the environment changes.
And when parents get clear on:
Their values
Their expectations
How they want to show up
Everything else becomes steadier.
That doesn’t mean parenting suddenly becomes easy.
It means it becomes clear.
If This Story Resonates
If you’re noticing that your child’s behavior is pulling reactions out of you that don’t align with the parent you want to be, you’re not alone.
Sometimes the most effective next step isn’t another tactic; it’s reflection and structure.
If you’d like help clarifying your family values and putting calm leadership back in place, the Six Steps™ Family Worksheet walks you through that process in a practical, grounded way.
You don’t need to overhaul everything.
You just need a place to start.
