In 2017, I saw it happen for the first time.
One of my daughters downloaded Snapchat even though it was banned in our house. She wasn’t alone, one of her teachers was using it to “keep in touch” with students. I remember thinking, “This can’t be good.”
I shared a simple phone contract on my blog that year (something I’d seen another mom post on Facebook) and it spread like wildfire. Parents were desperate for structure, and they still are. Back then, people rolled their eyes at me for being “too strict.”
Now, research—and reality—are catching up.
The problem we didn’t want to see
Fast-forward to today, and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt is topping bestseller lists.
Organizations like Let Grow and Free-Range Parenting are making national headlines for reminding parents that independence and resilience actually matter. But long before it was fashionable, I was in classrooms watching the fallout unfold in real time.
When phones first showed up, schools had no policies. None. Teachers were on their own.
One day I asked a teenage boy to hand over his phone because he wasn’t doing his work—he looked me in the eye, dropped it down the front of his pants, and said, “Go get it.”
That was 2017.
Teachers were told to “integrate technology,” so we tried. Kids played music, texted, watched Netflix, and checked their snaps between math problems. Engagement tanked. Behavior spiraled.
Then everything changed
In my district now, students turn in their phones at the start of class and get them back at the end.
I don’t love the process (I want them completely banned) but the difference is astonishing. Students talk again. They look at each other. They ask questions. Teachers have more energy because we’re no longer fighting a losing battle for attention.
And at home?
When parents set realistic limits, I’ve seen families reconnect. One family I coached decided to “walk the walk” together. Every family member (mom, dad, and kids) set phone-free zones, including dinner. Within a week, they were laughing again. Dinner wasn’t silent or rushed. It was fun.
Kids don’t want to live like this either
Here’s the thing most parents don’t realize:
kids don’t actually want to be on their phones all the time.
They’re exhausted by it. They know it’s stealing their time, their confidence, and their joy.
They just don’t know how to stop. And honestly? Most parents don’t either.
What the research says
Haidt’s The Anxious Generation pulls together the data: rising anxiety, depression, and loneliness track right alongside the explosion of smartphones and social media.
Meanwhile, Lenore Skenazy’s Let Grow movement reminds us that freedom—not fear—is what actually helps kids thrive.
Together, they paint a clear picture: connection, boundaries, and independence are the antidotes to anxiety.
What you can do right now
You don’t need to throw every device in the trash.
Start with one clear, shared boundary, something like, “No phones at dinner” or “Screens stay out of bedrooms.”
Then model it yourself. Your kids are watching more than they’re listening.
But I’ve gotta be honest. that won’t be enough.
If you want some step-by-step guidance to help you get started, download my Taming Tech Guide. It walks you through how to set limits that fit your family’s values, schedule, and reality.
And if you’re ready to fix this for good, schedule a Consultation Call with me.
I can tell you how, in one session, you’ll walk away with a personalized plan (and two weeks of follow-up support) so you can finally get your family back on track.
Launching early next year, the Parents Digital Lab is a multi-week group experience where families learn to reset their relationship with technology—together.
Parents who download the Taming Tech Guide will be the first to know when registration opens.
Today’s parenting reflection:
What would dinner feel like if every phone were off the table—literally?
How would your evenings change if no one had to compete with a screen for attention?
It’s not too late to take back your family. The kids are waiting for us to lead.
