Dear Parents,
Every so often, schools make changes. Birthday celebrations with cupcakes stop. Muffins for Moms and Doughnuts for Dads get debated. Most recently in my neighborhood, I heard about one local elementary school’s “community circle” being scaled back from weekly to once or twice a month.
Why the change? I don’t know. And honestly, that’s not the issue. Administrators have dozens of reasons for adjusting schedules. As a former teacher, my experience is that the principals get questions like this, and answer them, all the time.
What struck me wasn’t the decision itself. It’s how quickly we, as parents, jump to assumptions.
“This is better for the kids whose parents can’t make it every Friday.”
“This helps working parents…it’s easier to come once a month.”
“It’s less painful for kids whose parents can never come.”
But here’s the hard truth: if a parent can only come once a month, just come once a month. They don’t need the school to change the rules for that. And canceling joy so no one ever feels sad? That’s not protecting kids. That’s shortchanging them.
Kids will feel sad, disappointed, angry, or left out sometimes. And that’s not only okay, it’s necessary. Those feelings - all feelings - are part of growing up.
And school is a fine place to experience them. Kids are surrounded by friends, loving teachers, caring administrators, and trained counselors. They can learn how to manage those feelings in a safe, supportive environment.
And at home, our job isn’t to run therapy sessions over every emotion. We don’t need to dig into the “why” of every tear. What kids need is a safe space to be heard and to know their feelings won’t overwhelm us. To know that it’s OKAY and normal to feel sad sometimes and that they have what it takes to feel the feeling and then feel better. That’s what raises emotionally mature adults, not canceling muffins.
I know this personally. I grew up with a single mom, a dad who lived out of state, and a gay uncle who often stepped in as a father figure. I missed out on plenty of school moments. Did it hurt sometimes? Yes. Did it break me? No. It gave me grit. And appreciation for what I did have, no matter how imperfectly I had it.
And as an elementary school teacher and single mom myself, I saw kids manage disappointment. Yes, it stings when a parent can’t show up. But I also saw classmates scoot over to share a seat, teachers offer extra warmth, and counselors quietly check in. Kids bounce back. They’re stronger than we think.
Canceling celebrations doesn’t protect kids. It robs them of joy, resilience, and the chance to learn that disappointment won’t crush them.
So let’s stop canceling joy in the name of “fairness.” Let’s raise kids who can celebrate others even when it stings. Let’s raise kids who can handle real life.
Because life isn’t always fair—and that’s the point.
With compassion (and maybe a little grit),
Susan
P.S. If you’re wondering how to build resilience in your own strong-willed child, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can Ask Susan Anything or book a Breakthrough Session. Sometimes one conversation can change everything.
